Teaching Teens to Be Tactful

Have you heard your teen on the phone with your relatives and been horrified by his or her tone of voice? Have you heard your teen blurt out something hurtful and you just want to hide? It happens. Teens are still learning; they are children in many ways and adults in others. This combination of child and adult is part of what makes parenting teens so challenging.

So how can you teach them to be tactful? Here are some tips. 

“They’re Just Kids”

While it can be very embarrassing and frustrating when your teen says something inappropriate, it helps to keep things in perspective. Kids have to be taught when it’s appropriate to say something and when to refrain; it doesn’t mean they are horrible people. As you teach your teen tact, it helps to remember that you’re dealing with a child in many ways. This is not meant as an excuse; but it can help you keep your head level.

Let Them Know How They Sound

When your teen says something tactless, wait until the heat of the moment passes and then speak to her about it. Without mocking, let her know what she sounded like, and ask her how it would feel if someone addressed her that way. Sometimes, teens don’t realize how thoughtless or even mean they sound. If you can predict the tactless moments, you can even have a camera ready and show your teen a clip of how she sounds when she talks to her siblings, parents, or whoever.

Another Empathy Exercise

Encourage your teen to read, particularly literature with “good guys” and “bad guys.” Or pick up what your teen is reading and find out what characters he relates to. Now ask your teen to re-tell the story from the bad guy’s point of view, or ask him to think about how the story would be different if it was told through the bad guy’s eyes. Ask him to write a paragraph explaining this. It’s a good learning exercise, and forces them to see the other’s point of view.

Be Tactful Yourself

Sometimes, we hear ourselves in our kids. When your teen is being tactless, evaluate your own speech and attitude. Do you treat your teen with tact and respect, or are you snappy and insensitive yourself? Everyone has bad days; but if this is the primary way in which you relate to your teen, then you may be part of the problem. It sets a bad example.

That’s it for now. Until next time Divas, wear your heels well and Be Blessed!

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