The Woman in My Dreams by Linda Rieschel

My Mother was a moody & temperamental woman with a low tolerance for housework, noise, dirty diapers, chaos & motherhood in general.One morning two of my four siblings left for school but I remained behind to clean up spilled milk. Suddenly Mom grabbed my hair in her hands. Thrashing my head around, she released it with a shove, yelling, “Damn you to hell! I ought to kill you! Get the hell out of here!”

I left crying & knocked on the door of my friend nearby. Her mother, whom I had never met, immediately embraced me as I sobbed to her what had happened. She murmured comforting words, & my heart eased. When my friend appeared, her mother released me & bent to tug gently on her daughter’s braids, saying “You be a good girl!” She kissed her daughter, and we left. I was heartsick, wanting to stay behind in that woman’s embrace.

Years later, I described to a therapist a childhood fantasy that soothed me: “I am on a swing. It’s a beautiful day; I feel safe, happy. A woman sits on the ground near a tree, smiling at me.” Asked if this was my mother, I answered, “No. Just some anonymous woman I made up. She is plump & pretty. She wears a brown dress with sleeves rolled up.” The therapist helped me realize that the woman in my fantasy was my friend’s mother. It was she who inspired me to create a loving, inviting home for my own child. Because of her, I loved every moment of my pregnancy, knowing I would be a good mother.

I feel blessed to have been embraced by her, however briefly. Thank you, my fantasy mother…Happy Mother’s Day!

Submitted by:
Linda Rieschel
www.ninisniche.etsy.com
www.ninisniche.com
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